


it's an old story

by ken (club_hot)



Category: SECHSKIES (Band)
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 19:00:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10837422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/club_hot/pseuds/ken
Summary: Other guys buy expensive cars and girls to fuck and you just happen to like kissing Sunghoon.





	it's an old story

First time he kisses you, you don't care. All friends kiss at some point don't they? But then it keeps happening again and again and you find yourself enjoying it. You want more of this and more of him but god, you're not gay, you don't like guys. 

What you do next is blame it on midlife crisis. Other guys buy expensive cars and girls to fuck and you just happen to like kissing Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon's a good kisser, he knows exactly what to do and you know for a fact because of how he is with you that this isn't the first time he has kissed a guy. You feel like he's playing you and your emotions; he's here to confuse you and move on and you're letting him. You're letting him because you like it.

You'd rather die than to say this out loud but he makes you feel more things than your ex-wife ever did. 

You make sure you're at least slightly intoxicated every time he kisses you. Therefore, you have an excuse if you go too far and he has something to say. And of course he has things to say, he wants to talk about this and every single time you manage to get out of it. He never forgets though.

You don't either, but you know what you want to be doing instead: you want to be making out with him on your couch and you want him to fuck you, on the floor, on the table, when you're on all fours on the couch and he's grabbing your hair. You don't really care, he can choose, he can do whatever he wants with you. You fear rejection and you never initiate anything and then he starts to drag things out. 

He drags out talking and touching and you're always so close to ripping your own skin off; you want more, you always do but you two have never gotten past you sucking him off. He looked pretty like that, on your bed with his clothes off and on the floor, his head thrown back, lips slightly open so moans could escape his mouth. 

You want to hear more of that, more of his moans and breathless groans and the fact that he's making those sounds for you, because of you, gets you off. His fingers in your hair, him grabbing onto it, his nails digging into your scalp, they all tell you he's close and—

He comes down your throat. You pull yourself up, so you're facing him. “Did I do good?” you ask, laughing. It's as if you suddenly swallowed your pride but you don't care anymore. This time, you're not drunk, not even a bit and Sunghoon's sober too. You're looking him in the eyes and he's smiling at you like you didn't just have your lips around his cock.

He never once breaks the eye contact. “Of course you did, Jiwon,” he whispers and you feel a sense of accomplishment. It's ridiculous, you should feel embarrassed but your mind is telling you something else. You want him to love you, you really do.

The next day, is what you call a denial day. 

You wake up in bed with him on your side and you pretend his dick and naked stomach isn't the first thing you see when you open your eyes. 

(Has there ever been a day that wasn't a denial day? You seem to love sucking cock but at the same time you're claiming you don't like guys like it's the truth. You've only ever been with women you weren't particularly into and it's all coming back to bite you in the ass. It's time for you to go through your teenage phase again.)

You never really stop thinking about him. 

He got busy with work that week so you decided to get your life in order. You're not willing to spend the rest of your life swooning over Sunghoon while he goes home to someone and fucks them like you want to be. 

What you ended up doing couldn't really be called getting your life in order, except if that generally involves going to gay clubs and flirting with men you don't know. You can't believe this is the only thing you came up with and that you're actually doing it. 

You drink the two last bottles of soju that were lying in your home before going. You can't imagine yourself being able to keep your sanity while sober. You're questioning your whole life because of one man, ONE fucking guy that decided to kiss you one night out of boredom. You two took it way further than it should've gone, you could've just stayed friends who shared an awkward kiss. You could've been dreaming of women and vaginas because doing it with guys would've never crossed your mind. 

(You'll never be over the kiss you shared that night. You wish you could though, it's all a blurr anyway. You had met him and Jiyong at a bar. The bar smelled like actual shit mixed with alcohol. Jiyong was laughing at you because of how pathetic you looked, cheeks red from all the booze you had drunk and Sunghoon was smiling at you. You should've figured it out then but you hadn't, of fucking course you hadn't. It's somewhere between you almost passing out because of how tired and out of it you were and complaining about how you needed to go home when it happened. He grabbed your face and pressed his lips against yours in front of Jiyong. He kept kissing you, he didn't want to stop and then you returned the kiss. You were ashamed.

“You look like you're a shitty kisser, Jiwon,” Jiyong told you later that night when he had dropped you off because you hadn't been able to get home by yourself. 

By then, you were sober and your mouth tasted suspiciously like Sunghoon's chapstick and everything he had drunk that night.)

The gay club you go to smells better than the bar from that night but somehow, you're still unable to breathe. There are so many men there who are paying attention to you, yet none of them are Sunghoon. 

You turn down dozens of guys before you finally let one dance with you. You don't know his name and you've only looked at his face once, you can't do it more than that. You feel your face becoming flushed in shame when you just think about it and you let him get you wasted. 

There's a point where you forget where the fuck you are but you can feel him dancing behind you, his half hard cock rubbing against your ass and his hands on your hips. You're leaning on him because you can't hold yourself up anymore and then he stops. 

He probably realized he bought you at least three drinks too many but you only laugh. (You won't be laughing in the morning though when your head'll be feeling like it's about to burst open and you'll be throwing up in the toilet while you'll be lying half dead on the bathroom tiles.)

“You can still suck my cock, you know,” you tell him. You're joking. (Apparently the drunk you is not?)

He takes you seriously, you assume as he drags you through the club to the bathroom and it's empty there. He gives you no time to think and soon you're sitting on the closed toilet, waiting for him to do something. He doesn't kiss you before he drops on his knees and the last thing you think about before he unzips your pants is the fact that the tiles are probably hurting his legs. 

(You wish it was Sunghoon who was doing this for you.)

You don't remember much, but you do remember how his tongue felt against you. He let you come in his mouth and when you finished he helped you get dressed as well. 

You two were standing when he returned your phone and whispered, “Call me sometime,” he was about to leave, but before he did, he gave you a peck on your lips and you could taste yourself on his. 

You really should go home.

(Two days later, when you finally don't feel like dying anymore, you find out his name's Suwon and you think you probably should tell him this will never happen again. Probably.)

Even if that dick-sucking session in the club meant nothing, you kind of liked the way he held you when you danced. You never danced like that with your wife. (Could you even call it dancing? He was rubbing himself on you to please himself — and please you too, maybe.)

A week passes by with you in pain and pretending to be productive at work. Sunghoon has time again and you make time for him as well. You change your schedule so it goes with his and you realize you much you had missed this. You missed laying together with him, his kisses and his scent. Your apartment feels different and for the time being, you stop being in denial.

But he leaves and denial comes back. You thought you got over it, but you didn't, the feeling on your chest never goes away. What is he doing to you?

You're starting to blurr the lines between reality and your fantasies. They're all too good to be true yet you can't stop thinking of them as reality. Sunghoon asking you out, Sunghoon taking care of you, Sunghoon telling you he cares for you too. You imagine him, holding your hand and dragging you everywhere with him because he never wants you to leave his sight. 

That would've been nice and it would've been nicer if you were good at voicing your thoughts. But you're not and when Sunghoon's at your place again you want to chop your head off. 

He's comfortable in your apartment and he's also comfortable throwing you on your own bed and deciding fucking you isn't going to happen. He takes off your clothes and his own too and you watch him as he pushes your thighs close together. His hands are cold but you don't care about that when he starts fucking your thighs. 

Your legs are up and he fucks himself between your thighs and you feel like you're choking up. He's moaning things like, “Fuck, Jiwon,” and how much he wants to fuck you one day. (Why isn't he doing it then?) Him saying things like that is really almost enough to get you off the edge, you're about to come because of Sunghoon saying things you had only dared to dream off. 

He comes over your stomach, your chest and some of it gets on your chin too. He spreads your legs back and he jerks you off until you come over yourself. Did the sight of you like this turn him on?

You tell Jiyong you think you're falling for Sunghoon and it doesn't take long until his group of friends know/until one of them is talking to you, asking if you really are a homo. You don't know what to say. 

If Jiyong hadn't said anything you wouldn't be in this uncomfortable position yet the guy is still pressuring you. Your face gets hot and you know you're cheeks are red as well. You want him to shut the fuck up and this isn't your fault anyways, at least not the part that you like sucking dick. You don't like this feeling.

You feel like a teenager again, for real now and everyone's expecting you to be talking about how good pussy tastes and how manly and masculine you are but that's not what you want to be doing. Jaijin is the guy's name and even though you're older than him, you feel like you're fifteen in front of him and that he's one of your parents. You should lie to make an impression, but a homo is what you are. You want to keep your eyes closed. You're not ready to accept your sexuality. Not yet. 

Sunghoon is someone you want to be with. He's what you thought your ex was. You kept rising her up like she was your sun but Sunghoon actually feels like that. She relied on you, she was the one clinging on to you, but with him, you're the one doing that. 

How is he like when he's not around you? You want to know so you can figure out if you want to continue with this situation you were in with him.

You kind of don't. You're tired and you're old. You don't have time to be playing friends with benefits with him. 

You're happy when he's with you. And he's with you right now, so you're happy. But there's a weight on your chest you're not going to get rid off if you keep doing the same things you did before. 

You're sitting on the couch with him, he's leaning on your shoulder. He's smiling and laughing at something he's watching on the TV. Your heart sinks a bit.

(You like him that much.)

“I think we should stop this,” you say.

Maybe some time later. Maybe in ten years when you're fifty and you're walking on the beaches of Hawaii like you've always wanted to and maybe you'll take him with you and he can fuck you there. If by then you won't already have an erectile dysfunction and you won't be able to get your dick up anyway. Maybe then, if you'll still care about him enough and knowing yourself, you will.


End file.
